Daylight Savings Time marks the start of spring. Normal parents and their children are all excited and set to “spring forward.” But not your family. That’s why we started Barely Adequate PARENTING magazine, so slacker parents whose kids just won’t get with the program have something to read, too.
As the spring season begins, all the parenting publications run cheery articles on all the fun springtime crafts, science, and outdoor activities you can do with your child. But what if you’re the kind of parent who’s got a bad attitude and you’ve got the kind of children who’ve got zero f*cks to give?
Fear not, Barely Adequate PARENTING magazine’s “Spring into Spring!” issue can help failed slacker parents like us. You know who you are. You’re the one with the kids who will be late to school for the rest of the year because they were usually late before we moved the clocks back, and now the time change is making it worse. Is it your fault that your kid stays up all night drawing, playing Dungeons and Dragons, or watching Supernatural and you can’t tell them not to because you’ve already fallen asleep?
And then there’s “spring fever.” Face it, spring is a slippery slope. And, alas, things will keep worse from here on out. Especially if your kid’s a teenager. If this sounds familiar, then Barely Adequate Parenting magazine is for you.
The SPRING issue of Barely Adequate PARENTING magazine is chock full of lots of helpful articles, including:
- Plan that Disney vacation you’ll never be able to afford: But that’s okay, you can take your kids somewhere nearby that’s totally lame instead.
- 52 spring crafts you’ll bitterly regret: They won’t turn out anything like what’s shown in the pictures, that’s for sure.
- SPRING CLEANING SPECIAL: Fabulous non-toxic cleaning products that don’t actually clean anything. You and your family may all get salmonella, but at least you won’t be inhaling chemical fumes.
- 10 tips for a STRESS FREE BIRTHDAY PARTY: Don’t do it. Seriously. Don’t.
- Nurture your child’s love of nature: Yeah, right. Nature’s kind of overrated anyway, right?
We hope you enjoy our offerings and find them helpful…Or at least tolerable. Click here for our FALL issue.
Barely Adequate Parenting magazine’s “Spring into Spring!” issue.
Although we still haven’t yet hit the news stands because the publisher overslept, here’s a sneak peak of our dismal offerings. If you subscribe to us within the next 48 hours, we’ll also throw in our special gift: A spring cleaning blow torch so you can de-clutter your home quickly and painlessly.
Well, “painlessly,” if everyone gets out of the way before you turn your blow torch on.
Featured image: cc 2016 Susan Ackeridge via Flickr (bunny baby) and Public Domain Pictures (green grass and blue sky background).
WARNING: Blow torches are dangerous, flammable and should be kept away from your children at all times.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Barely Adequate Parenting is a terrible magazine chock full of bad parenting advice.
Featured image: cc 2016 Susan Ackeridge via Flickr (bunny baby), cc 2009 Anirudh Koul (drunk Easter bunny at Green Day concert), and Public Domain Pictures (green grass and blue sky background).