The internet’s mocking Donald Trump’s confusion about history and it’s funny as Hell

by | May 2, 2017 | News & Politics

Once again, Donald Trump's revealed his woeful lack of knowledge when it comes to history, and Twitter's having a field day with it. #TrumpTeachesHistory

On May 1, Not My President Donald Trump showed his woeful ignorance of U.S. History by claiming Andrew Jackson could have stopped the Civil War from happening.

In an interview with the Washington Examiner he declared:

“I mean, had Andrew Jackson been a little later, you wouldn’t have had the Civil War. He was a very tough person, but he had a big heart. He was really angry that he saw what was happening with regard to the Civil War, he said, ‘There’s no reason for this.’”

Um…Sorry, but first of all, Andrew Jackson died in 1845, nearly 20 years before the Civil War began. Second, he was a slave-owning, genocidal thug, which is why the former slave, abolitionist, and Union spy Harriet Tubman is replacing him on the $20 bill.

Donald Trump then continued his bizarre history lesson:

“People don’t realize, you know, the Civil War, if you think about it, why? People don’t ask the question, but why was there the Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?”

Um, hello? The Civil War could “not have been worked out” because you can’t “work out a deal” while deciding whether or not slavery’s okay and someone’s a person or not. Nonetheless, the fledgling United States’ Congress tried by making “great deals” like the abomination known as the Three-Fifths Compromise.

This must be the kind of “history” that was taught at Trump University.

Needless to say, Twitter came down on him fast and hard, with Rep. Barbara Lee (D-Calif.) leading the way.

La Marie chimed in with her response.


John Weaver then made a joking reference to Kellyanne Conway’s “Bowling Green Massacre” and Donald Trump’s apparent belief that Frederick Douglass is still alive.

Meanwhile, Broderick Greer finds the White House occupant’s Civil War denial ominous.


The History of America according to Donald Trump.

Twitter had a field day as they mercilessly mocked Donald Trump’s ignorance with #TrumpTeachesHistory hashtag, and shared their ideas of what history looks like from Donald Trump’s perspective. Here are some of our favorites.

Ancient history.

6,000 years ago, our incredible cavemen and women said, “We’re going to take care of this dinosaur problem.” And they did.


The Egyptians then built the pyramids, which were incredible and really yooge. That was before they all joined ISIS and became terrorists.

The Egyptians were winning! Then the Persian empire came along. The pyramids, they were overrun by illegal feral cats. It was a major problem, believe me.

In Ancient Greece, there was this woman — Helen — and she was smokin’ hot. They fought a war over her, which was stupid. I’d say she was an 8. Ivanka’s way hotter.


Good thing King Leonidas came and saved Greece. At that battle, you know, in Thermopylae. Athens, all of them are weak, like Democrats. They’re just losers. But Leonidas, he’s strong. He’s tough. That’s why he keeps winning.


Then you had the Roman Empire and this Jesus guy, and something very bad was happening. He was wonderful, but my crowds were much bigger.


The Roman Emperor Nero, he gets a lot of bad press thanks to fake historians. But I’ve met him and think he’s terrific.

The 13 colonies.

England was out of control, King George III has zero leadership ability. No wonder everyone wanted to leave.

Christopher Columbus, he’s just a lightweight, so George Washington let him land on Plymouth Rock…But only after fully vetting him.

But at least the Columbus wasn’t dumb like the Dutch. The Dutch way overpaid for New York. That was stupid.

The American Revolution

King George, now he was a smart guy, making a lot of money from the colonies, believe me.


But the colonists, they were giving him billions and billions of dollars. And that Earl of Sandwich, he put it all into his gambling habit.

So the colonists decided to get smart and start winning. They threw a Tea Party with the most beautiful cakes.

Gotta say though, there were some real characters in the American Revolution. Like Sam Adams.

And John Paul Jones, he was incredible. Beat the British navy and plays all kinds of instruments.


Oh, and there’s Diana Ross. Great gal, really talented. Love her flag. Real classy

The Western expansion.

The first time we drove out the Mexicans was at the Battle of the Alamo.


Andrew Jackson, he won bigly. He told Elizabeth Warren and all of her Cherokee friends, “Get out of here, move to Oklahoma.” Sad. Real sad.


And we just kept on winning. Back then we were getting tired of all the winning. It wasn’t like now, where we have to be politically correct and not winning.

The incredible men and women pioneers settled the West. Believe me, we were doing great. Then that Johnny Appleseed comes along, he’s bad news. He plants apple trees so total losers who never win get to eat free apples.

The Civil War

Now, John Brown, you know he’s trouble. Bad. Dangerous.


Those guys who raided Harper’s ferry? Bad people. Very bad people. But there was this incredible Underground Railroad. So we got our military there on time. Many, many lives saved.

But we almost lost the Civil War when Obama wiretapped Andrew Jackson’s microwave. Total disaster.


And Jefferson Davis, I’ve met him, a great guy. Frederick Douglas treated him very badly.


Abraham Lincoln, people say he’s smart. Believe me, he’s not that smart. I don’t like guys who get shot.


The Suffragette movement.

Those suffragettes, you know. They were unattractive, both inside and out. Like Ariana Huffington.


But that Susan B. Anthony, I like her. Great actress. Not overrated like Meryl Streep.


But I don’t get why these women, why they say they need to vote. We’re going to take care of them and we’re going to make America great again, believe me.


World War I

That Snoopy, he’s not cut out to be a fighter pilot. Then he flew into the Twin Towers while that total loser Charlie Brown was celebrating and dancing with all the Muslims in New Jersey. Bad. Very bad.

The Great War, it was bad, but that guy with the little mustache, he was tough. A real fighter. We need toughness.

The Great Depression

Then we were going to make a lot of money, a whole lot of money, then something bad happened.

World War II

If I was president at the time, I would have talked Hitler out of bombing Pearl Harbor. That war? Never would have happened.


I don’t know why all the politically correct people keep going on about those holocaust centers.

The Battle of the Bulge, that was the worst.

The Cold War

The cold war, it was cold. Very cold Believe me. If I were running things, I could have built a great thermostat. I would have taken care of everyone.

And that Harry Truman, he’s a real piece of work.

And the Bay of Pigs. Horrible. Major disaster.

That JFK assassination? Fake news. Never happened.


But seriously, why didn’t he just duck? Ronald Reagan, he was smart that way. Very smart.


And Rosa Parks, don’t you think she was being unreasonable? And extremely unattractive woman.

You all read about Martin Luther King when somebody said I took a statue out of my office and it turned out that was fake news.


Bobby Kennedy. Decent guy, but we really don’t need his political correctness.


Watergate? I think it was unfair. Richard Nixon was very mistreated. A president deserves respect.


We’re building a wall like Ronald Reagan did. A big beautiful wall. Like when Reagan said to Gorbachev, “Build that wall.” And we beat the Soviet Union. We beat them.

Featured image: Public Domain 2017 Voice of America via Wikimedia Commons (with laurel wreath and portraits of Frederick Douglass and Andrew Jackson added). A version of this article appeared on Freakout Nation.

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