On May 1, Not My President Donald Trump showed his woeful ignorance of U.S. History by claiming Andrew Jackson could have stopped the Civil War from happening.
In an interview with the Washington Examiner he declared:
“I mean, had Andrew Jackson been a little later, you wouldn’t have had the Civil War. He was a very tough person, but he had a big heart. He was really angry that he saw what was happening with regard to the Civil War, he said, ‘There’s no reason for this.’”
Um…Sorry, but first of all, Andrew Jackson died in 1845, nearly 20 years before the Civil War began. Second, he was a slave-owning, genocidal thug, which is why the former slave, abolitionist, and Union spy Harriet Tubman is replacing him on the $20 bill.
Donald Trump then continued his bizarre history lesson:
“People don’t realize, you know, the Civil War, if you think about it, why? People don’t ask the question, but why was there the Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?”
Um, hello? The Civil War could “not have been worked out” because you can’t “work out a deal” while deciding whether or not slavery’s okay and someone’s a person or not. Nonetheless, the fledgling United States’ Congress tried by making “great deals” like the abomination known as the Three-Fifths Compromise.
This must be the kind of “history” that was taught at Trump University.
— Tyler Pettty (@TylerPettty) May 2, 2017
Needless to say, Twitter came down on him fast and hard, with Rep. Barbara Lee (D-Calif.) leading the way.
President Trump doesn’t understand why there was a Civil War.
It’s because my ancestors and millions of others were enslaved. https://t.co/dFjpbp1pUy
— Rep. Barbara Lee (@RepBarbaraLee) May 1, 2017
La Marie chimed in with her response.
1) owned slaves.
2)Trail of Tears
3)Not Sure he would have been able to “work out” Civil War. Being dead 15 years.#Trump
— La Marie (@FordMcCartney) May 1, 2017
John Weaver then made a joking reference to Kellyanne Conway’s “Bowling Green Massacre” and Donald Trump’s apparent belief that Frederick Douglass is still alive.
Too bad Pres. Jackson didn’t ride up to Bowling Green/sit down with Frederick Douglass at besieged Nordstroms & figure out Civil War thingy.
— John Weaver (@JWGOP) May 1, 2017
Meanwhile, Broderick Greer finds the White House occupant’s Civil War denial ominous.
They deny the Holocaust and the cause of the Civil War, if anyone’s wondering where we’re headed under this presidency.
— Broderick Greer (@BroderickGreer) May 1, 2017
The History of America according to Donald Trump.
Twitter had a field day as they mercilessly mocked Donald Trump’s ignorance with #TrumpTeachesHistory hashtag, and shared their ideas of what history looks like from Donald Trump’s perspective. Here are some of our favorites.
6,000 years ago, our incredible cavemen and women said, “We’re going to take care of this dinosaur problem.” And they did.
#TrumpTeachesHistory The world is 6,000 yrs old and dinosaurs roamed the earth until man tamed them and rode them.
— Resist The Lies (@deck449) May 2, 2017
The Egyptians then built the pyramids, which were incredible and really yooge. That was before they all joined ISIS and became terrorists.
— Orangina Bo Beena (@LaNaranjaMala) May 1, 2017
The Egyptians were winning! Then the Persian empire came along. The pyramids, they were overrun by illegal feral cats. It was a major problem, believe me.
— Mike The Canstralian (@aussieinTO) May 2, 2017
In Ancient Greece, there was this woman — Helen — and she was smokin’ hot. They fought a war over her, which was stupid. I’d say she was an 8. Ivanka’s way hotter.
Helen of Troy had a face that launched a thousand ships. My smoking hot daughter Ivanka would launch a billion of them. #TrumpTeachesHistory
— Martin Kendell (@MartinKendell) May 2, 2017
Good thing King Leonidas came and saved Greece. At that battle, you know, in Thermopylae. Athens, all of them are weak, like Democrats. They’re just losers. But Leonidas, he’s strong. He’s tough. That’s why he keeps winning.
— @midnight (@midnight) May 1, 2017
Then you had the Roman Empire and this Jesus guy, and something very bad was happening. He was wonderful, but my crowds were much bigger.
Jesus’s crowds were very small. My crowds are much bigger. Probably the biggest in history. #TrumpTeachesHistory
— Unreal Donald Trump (@RealD0n0ldTrump) May 2, 2017
The Roman Emperor Nero, he gets a lot of bad press thanks to fake historians. But I’ve met him and think he’s terrific.
— Commander Han Solo (@Cmdr_HanSolo) May 2, 2017
The 13 colonies.
England was out of control, King George III has zero leadership ability. No wonder everyone wanted to leave.
George Washington landed in Roanoke on the Santa Maria. #TrumpTeachesHistory
— MarkM (@nmndad) May 1, 2017
Christopher Columbus, he’s just a lightweight, so George Washington let him land on Plymouth Rock…But only after fully vetting him.
#TrumpTeachesHistory Columbus was fully vetted by General Washington before he was allowed to land on Plymouth Rock.
— Andy Jacobs (@phatandy) May 1, 2017
But at least the Columbus wasn’t dumb like the Dutch. The Dutch way overpaid for New York. That was stupid.
— George Seymour III (@WestBankGeorge) May 2, 2017
The American Revolution
King George, now he was a smart guy, making a lot of money from the colonies, believe me.
— Paul Goebel (@PaulGoebelShow) May 2, 2017
But the colonists, they were giving him billions and billions of dollars. And that Earl of Sandwich, he put it all into his gambling habit.
“The Earl of Sandwich never should have sold the Subway franchise. A yuge disaster for him.”#TrumpTeachesHistory
— Jennifer Timm (@KittyLynnNYC) May 2, 2017
So the colonists decided to get smart and start winning. They threw a Tea Party with the most beautiful cakes.
the tea party was the best party! there was green tea, camomile, earl grey. everyone had a great time. #TrumpTeachesHistory
— damn. tad (@tad711) May 2, 2017
Gotta say though, there were some real characters in the American Revolution. Like Sam Adams.
Samuel Adams. Great guy. Got a beer named after him. #trumpteacheshistory
— Lisa (@thecitizeNY) May 2, 2017
And John Paul Jones, he was incredible. Beat the British navy and plays all kinds of instruments.
John Paul Jones: Amazing man — Revolutionary war hero AND rock star. We need him on our NatSec team!
— Jennie Be♀️ (@jennie_be) May 2, 2017
Oh, and there’s Diana Ross. Great gal, really talented. Love her flag. Real classy
Diana Ross made a great flag.
— Tony Stark 2017 💥 (@1IronMan2017) May 1, 2017
The Western expansion.
The first time we drove out the Mexicans was at the Battle of the Alamo.
Good thing we saved the Alamo frm thieving Spaniards! Otherwise we would have far less competitive rental car prices! #TrumpTeachesHistory
— Andrew Lipsett (@lipsetthistory) May 2, 2017
Andrew Jackson, he won bigly. He told Elizabeth Warren and all of her Cherokee friends, “Get out of here, move to Oklahoma.” Sad. Real sad.
Trail of tears. So sad. Kim Kardashian so upset at Kanye. Good guy by the way. so sad, she left a trail of her tears. #TrumpTeachesHistory
— R. N. Evangelist (@ebbnflowro) May 2, 2017
And we just kept on winning. Back then we were getting tired of all the winning. It wasn’t like now, where we have to be politically correct and not winning.
#trumpteacheshistory We are making tremendous progress with manifest destiny. Never been so much done so quickly, and we have just started.
— SweatyButcher (@TNathanielLong) May 2, 2017
The incredible men and women pioneers settled the West. Believe me, we were doing great. Then that Johnny Appleseed comes along, he’s bad news. He plants apple trees so total losers who never win get to eat free apples.
Johnny Appleseed is a typical liberal environmentalist I fired from the EPA. Stupidly opposed pesticides #TrumpTeachesHistory
— Overworked925 (@aporter925) May 2, 2017
The Civil War
Now, John Brown, you know he’s trouble. Bad. Dangerous.
Harper’s Ferry is a much nicer ride than the Staten Island Ferry #TrumpTeachesHistory
— Face Ripper Monkey (@FaceRiperMonkey) May 2, 2017
Those guys who raided Harper’s ferry? Bad people. Very bad people. But there was this incredible Underground Railroad. So we got our military there on time. Many, many lives saved.
The Underground Railroad was the nation’s first successful subway system. Frederick Douglass was it’s first conductor.#TrumpTeachesHistory
— Chi One (@ChiOneToo) May 1, 2017
But we almost lost the Civil War when Obama wiretapped Andrew Jackson’s microwave. Total disaster.
— Susan H (@susaninCTWV) May 2, 2017
And Jefferson Davis, I’ve met him, a great guy. Frederick Douglas treated him very badly.
— Noah Finneburgh (@NoahFinneburgh) May 2, 2017
Abraham Lincoln, people say he’s smart. Believe me, he’s not that smart. I don’t like guys who get shot.
Lincoln was stupid. He could have sat in the front row at that play. Sad.
— Dave Lightman (@DGLghtmn) May 2, 2017
The Suffragette movement.
Those suffragettes, you know. They were unattractive, both inside and out. Like Ariana Huffington.
— Mike (@azzopardianimal) May 2, 2017
But that Susan B. Anthony, I like her. Great actress. Not overrated like Meryl Streep.
“That Susan B. Anthony, helluva actress. Tremendous in Thelma and Louise with Ann B. Davis” pic.twitter.com/8bf5pQZTUD
— LynetteD (@LynetteDrake18) May 2, 2017
But I don’t get why these women, why they say they need to vote. We’re going to take care of them and we’re going to make America great again, believe me.
— Your Pal Pete (@yourpalpete) May 2, 2017
World War I
That Snoopy, he’s not cut out to be a fighter pilot. Then he flew into the Twin Towers while that total loser Charlie Brown was celebrating and dancing with all the Muslims in New Jersey. Bad. Very bad.
When Snoopy, an illegal beagle flew his Sopwith Camel into the Twin Towers, Lucy, a great American saw it coming…#TrumpTeachesHistory
— Tim Rowcliffe (@timrowcliffe) May 2, 2017
The Great War, it was bad, but that guy with the little mustache, he was tough. A real fighter. We need toughness.
The greatest thing about the Great War was how strong that German fellow was. Very high approval ratings. #TrumpTeachesHistory
— Oona Cassidy (@OonaCassidy) May 2, 2017
The Great Depression
Then we were going to make a lot of money, a whole lot of money, then something bad happened.
— Mark Beaulieu (@BeaulieuMark) May 2, 2017
World War II
If I was president at the time, I would have talked Hitler out of bombing Pearl Harbor. That war? Never would have happened.
— Arizona Votes (@AZVotes) May 2, 2017
I don’t know why all the politically correct people keep going on about those holocaust centers.
#trumpteacheshistory Hitler only built holocaust centers as tanning salons for jews. Too bad I wasn’t around. I get the best tans. The best.
— hanyougirl2010 (@NicoleMAnderso3) May 2, 2017
The Battle of the Bulge, that was the worst.
So many women are still fighting in the Battle of the Bulge. Hard to be a ’10’ when you’re overweight. #TrumpTeachesHistory
— Dr. Lexus (@DrLexus_StGods) May 2, 2017
The Cold War
The cold war, it was cold. Very cold Believe me. If I were running things, I could have built a great thermostat. I would have taken care of everyone.
— Kacie Holland (@KacieFromKC) May 2, 2017
And that Harry Truman, he’s a real piece of work.
— Steve J (@SteveoCO21) May 2, 2017
And the Bay of Pigs. Horrible. Major disaster.
— HarryFloorcorn (@HarryFloorcorn) May 2, 2017
That JFK assassination? Fake news. Never happened.
— Jeff Smith (@jbsmth65) May 2, 2017
But seriously, why didn’t he just duck? Ronald Reagan, he was smart that way. Very smart.
— Danibal B. Lecter (@CornOnMacabre) May 2, 2017
And Rosa Parks, don’t you think she was being unreasonable? And extremely unattractive woman.
— Emperor Slow🎷ams (@ANGRYref) May 2, 2017
You all read about Martin Luther King when somebody said I took a statue out of my office and it turned out that was fake news.
— Leah Ann Feltner (@LilTristi) May 2, 2017
Bobby Kennedy. Decent guy, but we really don’t need his political correctness.
Duran Duran assassinated Bobby Kennedy, but the very corrupt Dream Police let them go without any jail time. #TrumpTeachesHistory
— Christoph Blak (@metallisumthing) May 2, 2017
Watergate? I think it was unfair. Richard Nixon was very mistreated. A president deserves respect.
— Nick Malian 💊💊💊⚾️ (@MickNalian) May 2, 2017
We’re building a wall like Ronald Reagan did. A big beautiful wall. Like when Reagan said to Gorbachev, “Build that wall.” And we beat the Soviet Union. We beat them.
In 1989, the world witnessed a magical moment as Ronald Reagan said, “Build that wall!” #TrumpTeachesHistory
— glee_iconoclast (@Glee_Iconoclast) May 2, 2017
Featured image: Public Domain 2017 Voice of America via Wikimedia Commons (with laurel wreath and portraits of Frederick Douglass and Andrew Jackson added). A version of this article appeared on Freakout Nation.