Urine Trouble Donald! 20 Most Hilarious Reactions To PEE-OTUS’ Golden Showers Scandal

When it’s not raining men, golden showers will do. A dossier on Donald Trump’s dealings with Russia may not all be true, but it sure feels “truthy.”

When it’s not raining men, golden showers will do. A dossier on Donald Trump’s dealings with Russia may not all be true, but it sure feels “truthy.”

On Tuesday night, we reported on some classified documents shown to President Barack Obama and the president-elect that contained some rather alarming reports from Russian spies on Mein Trumpf’s financial and, erm, personal activities. Make that very personal. And gross.

The good news from the report by U.S. intelligence is, although the Kremlin cultivated Donald Trump for five years, he declined “various sweetener real estate business deals offered him in Russia.” The bad news is he may have taken some other unsavory favors that involved Russian prostitutes giving him “golden showers”: slang for peeing on or in front of him.

“According to Source D, where sh/he had been present, TRUMP’s (perverted) conduct in Moscow included hiring the presidential suite of the Ritz Carlton Hotel, where he knew President and Mrs. OBAMA (whom he hated) had stayed on one of their official trips to Russia, and defiling the bed where they had slept by employing a number of prostitutes to perform a ‘golden showers’ (urination) show in front of him.”

Although reporters have not been able to verify the golden showers story, this and other activities were likely caught on video.

“The hotel was known to be under FSB [a Russian spy agency.] control with microphones and concealed cameras in all the main rooms to record anything they wanted to.”

Another U.S. intelligence source confirmed the incident at the Moscow Ritz Carlton and says s/he believes ithappened in 2013.

“Source E provided an introduction for a company ethnic Russian operative to Source F, a female staffer at the hotel when TRUMP had stayed there, who also confirmed the story.”

Oh, but wait. It turns out the golden shower isn’t the only thing the Kremlin’s got on Donald Trump.

“Speaking separately in June 2016, Source B (the former top-level Russian intelligence officer) asserted that TRUMP’s unorthodox behavior in Russia over the years had provided the authorities there with enough embarrassing material on the now Republican presidential candidate to be able to blackmail him if they so wished.”

According to CNN, Russia gathered intelligence against both the Democrats and the GOP, but wound up only targeting Hillary Clinton and the Democrats.  The report also states Donald Trump’s team and operatives from Russia exchanged information throughout the campaign.

The top 20 most clever tweets about Donald Trump’s (alleged!) “golden showers.”

1. “He who has the gold makes the rules.”

2. Get it? PEE-OTUS?!?!

3. Donald Trump’s golden showers put “tinkle down” theory in a whole new light.

4. Golden showers? That’s just “locker room stuff.”

5. Sweet nectar of the gods!

6. A golden shower? Is there any other kind?

7. #GoldenShowers may explain why Donald Trump is so orange.

https://twitter.com/harper1_jn/status/819042303301939200

8. “We’re going to build a stall, and Mexico is going to pay for it.”

9. “Urine trouble” now, Donald Trump. Big trouble.

10. Donald Trump didn’t even hire American hookers for those golden showers

11. About that inaug-urination…

12. Every cloud has a silver lining…

13. “If I was an American flag, I’d be burning myself at this point.”

14. When the Russians hand you lemons, make “Lemonade.”

15. We’ll sure miss the “Barry and Joe” show.

16. There’s no “I” in team, but there is a “Pee” in Trump.

17.  Dear Trump trolls, “turns out that wasn’t liberal tears you were drinking.”

18. We can’t wait for the next “Saturday Night Live.”

19. “Nobody has more respect for women.”

https://twitter.com/bill_auclair/status/819002773303803904

20. And Republicans are worried about explaining gay marriage?

As Donald Trump would say…”Sad.”

Read: U.S. intelligence report on Donald Trump’s alleged golden shower incident and Russia’s plans to blackmail him.

Sorry, the PDF couldn’t be displayed 🙁 

Featured image/composite with photos: cc 2016 Terodius via Wikimedia Commons (Donald Trump); cc 2011 Valerii Tkachenko via Wikimedia Commons (Red Square, Moscow); and golden showers added. A version of this article ran on Freakout Nation.

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